90 days

I was looking at my calendar a few days ago. I realized that, at most, I have 90 days left until I leave Belgrade. Counting backwards, I realized that I am equidistant between last May and going home. And May seems recent.

I might be leaving even sooner, though. I still haven’t bought my ticket—I have to wait for my replacement to be chosen and the details to be worked out with her. I just know I will be home by Thanksgiving.

For months, I have been telling myself that I don’t need to think about what comes next until after I return from Northern Ireland. That milestone has passed; time to start planning.

I alternate between excitement and terror at returning to the states. I am beyond excited to see family and friends and return to the world of easy eavesdropping, cheap ethnic food, and excellent thrift stores, but I am scared that it will be hard as well, that I will forget the Serbian I have spent endless hours acquiring, that I won’t be able to find a job that I like, that I have built up an idealized version of home that reality will disappoint, that I won’t be able to integrate my experience here into the next phase of my life, that I will bore everyone I meet with an endless series of ‘In Belgrade…’ stories. I know I will miss the life I have built for myself here and the friends I have made. If only Seattle-Belgrade was an easier commute…

I am trying to motivate myself to tackle some of this over the weekend, as I will have keys to an out-of-town friend’s air conditioned DSL-equipped flat.

Wish me luck.