A bit more drama - encore
The one month deadline that R had given me has passed, so we met up last night, after the sun had set and everything cooled a bit. I wasn’t looking forward to it; I am bad enough at these sorts of talks in English. We wandered around Kalemegdan and listened for a bit to a cover band that played both The Doors and Mano Negra, before sitting on a rock wall overlooking the
I was hoping to preserve the friendship, but I know that he has to do what makes sense for him.
Still-- and I know I am being selfish; he's hurting more than me now--it hurts a bit to know that the possibility of getting in my pants was all that made my company tolerable to him.
posted by rachel @ 4:37 PM
13 Comments:
At 7:10 PM,
Anonymous said…
"...Still-- and I know I am being selfish; he's hurting more than me now--it hurts a bit to know that the possibility of getting in my pants was all that made my company tolerable to him.
......"
Well, can you blame the poor bastard!
It's like being rejected after a job interview with what in essence boils down to: "Yeah, I don't feel you're fit enough for the position you originally applied for - that of an associate manager - but since we have an opening in our custodial department I'm offering you a job as a janitor".
At 1:58 PM,
rachel said…
I don't blame him... I just wish the whole thing could have turned out differently.
At 1:19 PM,
Anonymous said…
If you'd had chosen a woman speaking partner instead of a young man you'd never have gotten yourself into this situation.
At 9:45 PM,
Unknown said…
Anonymous: how exactly is it Rachel's fault that this guy made unwanted advances and then wouldn't tolerate a platonic relationship when she reiterated her position?
Please.
At 10:18 PM,
Anonymous said…
I am saying she could have prevented this from occuring by chosing a woman speaking partner instead of a man.
She said earlier he was just a person she used to practice and learn Serbian from. So she'd apparently meet with this young, single man in casual settings/ways a lot. She's bragged on herself that she's a good looking woman and so it wasn't improbable that developed a big crush on her.
This never would have happened if she'd chosen more carefully.
That a young man meeting with a young woman all the time might develop feelings as his happens all the time - duh!
Or she should have chosen a gay man. She claims she is pro-gay rights, so why didn't any gays help her practice her Serbian for free?
As for him making unwanted advances - well many men do become insistent - but as far as the information she gives, he never touched her inappropriately or spoke lewdly, he just wanted to have a serious relationship. And now he feels rejected and can't see her as a friend.
Unhappiness on his part could have been avoided if she didn't chose him in the first place is what I am saying.
At 5:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
Rachel,
Have you ever thought that R viewed you only as an opportunity to come to America?
How much time did you really spend together before he came forward with his 'declaration of love' a month ago?
The fact that he keeps offering more time for you to think about things when you have clearly indicated that you're not interested appears to be a last ditch effort on his part not to let his 'golden goose' slip away.
This may sound harsh but this whole situation may have more to do with economics rather than 'getting into your pants'. He knows that it is very unlikely an American will walk into his life again and must seize this opportunity for a better life while he can.
I could be completely wrong and only you two know what went down between the two of you. It's just something worth thinking about.
At 1:44 AM,
Anonymous said…
"Rachel,
Have you ever thought that R viewed you only as an opportunity to come to America?....."
Oh, here we go!
You simply gotta love American open-mindedness and graciousness.
A girl who happens to be American gets hit on by a foreigner, and what's the very first thought that pops up into an average American mind upon hearing this? Well, it's gotta be an opportunity-seekin', woman-usin' local dirtbag looking to escape poverty. And all this expert analysis after only processing the fact that she holds American passport and he does not.
Bravo, genius! *clap* *clap* Bra-vo! I simply love you! How can anyone on this planet dislike such kindness, refinement, and amiability.
Actually, now that I think about it better, that Serbian sleazebag is probably a terrorist too.
Shame on him for trying to use a poor, unsuspecting NGO worker in order to infiltrate the glorius US of A. Despicable!!!
I'd have that douche reported to the nearest US embassy if I were you, Rachel. And notify the Dept. of Homeland Security while you're at it as well.
At 2:36 AM,
FAUNA said…
Rachel,
You are such a kind and considerate person, I know how much you hate to hurt other people. It totally sucks to have to turn away someone you wanted to be friends with because he or she is interested in more. Having been on both ends, the not loving someone else and the loving someone who doesn't love me, I am still not sure which is harder. Knowing you, it is hard to imagine a man or woman not being captivated by how amazing you are. I think that is the risk we all run trying to find people to be in our lives. It just isn't easy, especially trying to work through cultural and language filters. I don't think you could have done anything to make the situation better and I am sorry that you lost someone with friend potential.
At 5:13 AM,
Sidonius said…
This is the most heated comment thread I have ever read on Pustolovina. I mean, someone really took offense at the suggestion that R might've had an ulterior motive. People do, sometimes. You ought to accustome yourself to such things, though - you will captive the hearts of many other men, no doubt :)
PS Emoticons are so sappy but a simple period failed to capture the essence of my sentiment.
At 1:36 PM,
rachel said…
Chiming in again after a long work-induced internet absence:
I have no reason to doubt R's intentions. He never acted less than honorably. I think I can say the same for myself.
Unfortunately, feelings were hurt. Such is life.
Even so, I have no intention of avoiding all contact with straight/bisexual men to avoid the possibility of such circumstances reoccurring. I still think it is possible for men and women to have good, platonic friendships.
As for the charge that I should only be speaking Serbian with the queer community - that is something that I do daily. Generally, my conversations with J, J, M, M, M, N, N, B, B, A, C, and V don't merit internet repetition.(I am trying to keep this blog at least mildly interesting - reiterations of small talk=no so interesting.)
When I do write about these people, I don't typically refer to their sexual orientation unless it is relevant to the topic at hand, a policy I intend to stick with.
and, for the record I don't think I am particularly stunning physical specimen. I am too big to buy pants in this country.
Thanks to the friends who defended my honor.
At 3:41 AM,
Anonymous said…
"and, for the record I don't think I am particularly stunning physical specimen. I am too big to buy pants in this country."
Then where do the older women buy their pants? I mean the teens and those in their 20's may be very slim, but most women gain more and more weight as they are older. And plenty of photos show heavy-set women in the Balkans.
What would you guess would be the typical height and weight of girls in Belgrade?
At 2:48 PM,
Anonymous said…
Would you be able to describe how Serbian men differ from American men?
How do their viewpoints differ on issues like women, dating, relationships, and marriage?
At 1:15 PM,
rachel said…
Some of the older women are heavier, but I don't really want to be wearing old lady trousers.
I think that women in Belgrade are generally much slimmer than women in the Northwestern US, but I cannot give any specific numbers.
As for the question about the differences in men's attitudes, I am not going to touch that with a ten foot pole. I think generalizations on such things are essentialist and, for the most part, innaccurate, as the variations within groups greatly exceed the variations between them.
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