All About M

M is a coworker of mine who is fast becoming a friend. We pass slow afternoons in the office watching music videos online and discussing The L Word. She has an obsession with the show that is really amusing. The theme song is here ‘you just got a text message’ tone. She's a popular girl, so it means that it is constantly going off. I can’t even count the number of times that we have had conversations about which of the lesbians we know are most like the characters on the show. (Her resemblance to Shane, both physically and personality-ly is uncanny.) Not being a lesbian means that I am like no one. There is no unequivocally straight girl on the show.

In addition to being fun, M is also one of the strongest people that I know. She’s only 20, but has had enough living to fill at least three decades.

A small example of this is her coming out story, which is horrendous. She’s from a small city. When she came out, her family disowned her and sent her to a psychiatrist, spending what little money they had in hopes of ‘curing’ her. She spent months in a medicated stupor, arguing with her family and being harassed by nearly everyone in town. At one point, she convinced a male friend of hers to act as her boyfriend, so everyone would leave her alone. That didn’t work.

She ended up moving in with her grandparents across town, but still argued with her parents all the time. This came to a head when, during an argument with her father, she punched a hole in the wall, screaming that if he didn’t kill her she would do it herself. She was sent to a mental hospital, where she was put on more drugs and slept away most of three months.

After all of this, her mother realized that M was ‘still her daughter’ and that she still loves her. She started to accept her…

Unsurprisingly, M moved to the big city as soon as she could. (I find it interesting that the come-out-then-move-to-the-city narrative is dominant here too.)

And if this story isn’t heartbreaking enough, M still has all sorts of health problems, after effects from the medicines she was put on. Those drugs surely weren’t designed for curing homosexuality.

And still some people would insist that this whole ugly episode was her choice.

I spent last weekend with M in her hometown. Fascinating. I will try to shape my thoughts and experiences into something coherent and post it soon.