Is hating Belgrade a deal-breaker?

[Yes, I feel like a ridiculous Carrie Bradshaw trying to tie a big thought together with a reductive sentence.]

Early last week, I went out for a coffee with an acquaintance. A few minutes in, the conversation turned and I thought, oh, this is a date. And so my mental commentary shifted from ‘should he be a new friend’ to ‘do I want to date him?’

Unfortunately, many of the things that made him entertaining to talk to, made him less attractive. The first among these was his hatred of Belgrade. At one point, he asked me to name 10 things that I like about Belgrade, presenting it as some kind of challenge. Although I am not in love with Belgrade (will a city ever take Portland’s place in my heart?), I like it and named five or six things without effort (how parks are everyone’s living room in the summer, kajmak, that there seems to always be a film festival going on & movie tickets are cheap, my job, how nearly every café is elaborately themed and serves coffee and liquor and pop, the way women dress here [not that I intend to dress like them, but they are very fun to look at], etc.) and quickly filled out the rest of the ten.

But he hates it here.

If he was from here and family, lack of opportunity, ridiculous visa regimes, etc. were keeping him here, I would be more sympathetic. But he isn’t. He’s working for the foreign service of one of the world’s most developed countries. He has the resources to make his life different, but shows no initiative in that direction. And he will be serving in the Balkans for at least the next 15 years. Maybe it’s just the influence of a book I have been reading, but I have a lot of trouble understanding someone who seems to be choosing unhappiness. Especially in a city that is big enough to find a few things that bring joy.

When I asked him what he did for fun, he said sleep.
When I told him that I know some people who are really interested in his country and are learning his native language, he didn’t believe me.
When I mentioned that I had dated a Serbian guy for a bit, he became really harsh and judgmental, surprised that I could be attracted to anyone from here.

(True, not a horror story of dating don't like some dates I went on in the states, but still not the best.)

And now maybe I am being the judgmental one, writing him off like this, but my happiness can be fragile here at times. It just doesn’t seem wise to connect myself too deeply to someone that I know from the start is so gloomy.

I never thought that hating Belgrade could be a deal-breaker, but—at least in this instance—it sure seems to be.